Severe Tire Damage: The Karin Ann Phillips Song

(Russ Haines)

A University of Delaware student wrote to Severe Tire Damage asking for help in a class she was taking. She was contacting the band because one of the computers the band used was a research platform called "chocolate" which had a lot of memory. Apparently, her websearch turned up Severe Tire Damage with the keywords "chocolate", "research", and "memory". So she sent e-mail asking for help with her class project—a project involving the effects of chocolate on human memory. Oops. Severe Tire Damage decided to help.

Since she said, "...this can be dicussed [sic] in any way, so anything would help me out," the band wrote a nice song to help her out.


Karin Ann Phillips is a doofus.
She goes to a school in Delaware.
She is searching the web for hidden knowledge,
but she's confused, naive, and unaware.

Karin had to find some answers
for a class at the Univers'ty.
So she went to her fav'rite search engine
and typed in "chocolate", "research", and "mem-o-reeee."

The websites Karin saw were a-plenty
most of them involving sex and teens.
But some of them looked much more fulfilling
even though she doesn't know what research means.

Karin didn't pay attention to the content-
Some of them were quite irrelevant
While some had information which was useful
Karin didn't think before she went... and... she...

E-mailed every site which matched her websearch
without regard to topicality.
Even to some guys in Palo Alto
who wondered how she got into Delaware's university.

So here's where Miss Phillips gets her answer
though why she asked us we do not know-
"University" isn't spelled the way you tried to,
and "discussed" should have three esses -but not all in a row.

Everyone will surely now remember
a websearch must be done with thought and care.
Blindly sending email like Karin Phillips
will get you laughed at in the U of Delaware.
...she attends classes at the U of Delaware.
...that's Karen Phillips of the U of Delaware.